Blowing interviews is a subject upon which I am an expert, because I've probably blown more interviews than anybody else in the history of the ad business; and since everybody is bound to goof up at one time or another anyway, I thought I'd be helpful and tell you every possible way it can be done so you can do it now and get it over with.
Obviously, no one in their right mind would handle a job interview in any of the ways I'm about to suggest, because no one in their right mind would set out to blow an interview on purpose.
What you're about to read are exaggerations to make a series of points. If you take any of this seriously, or if you're offended by any of it, you're getting into the wrong business.
Your first chance to blow an interview might come before you even darken your interviewer's doorway. All he needs to do is ask you to call to confirm your appointment before you come. His schedule is full, his time is very valuable, and even though this interview is uppermost in your mind, chances are it won't be in his.
He's got other things to think about, like getting new clients, keeping the ones he already has, and running a business. When he asks you to call to confirm your appointment, it's because there is a possibility something might pop up between the time you set up the interview and the time it is actually supposed to take place. If that happens, it might be better that he see you
Another time take your first big chance to blow an interview. Don't call! Just come ahead. You'll show a complete disrespect for his business, and he'll get the impression that you don't think his time is valuable. If that other matter is important enough and he's upset, he might even think you don't understand or care about how things can pop up during the course of a business day. If he thinks that, there's certainly no reason for him to consider hiring you.
Then, there's the whole matter of how to dress. You can damage your chances for success either by dressing down too much or by being too sophisticated.
You could dress like you did for painting, like you're trying to convince the world you're a poor, starving artist, and that the only thing that really matters is your work. You won't get thrown out of the room. But no one will take you seriously, either.
On the other hand, get yourself all duded up like you're going to spend a weekend in Monte Carlo and your interviewers will really be at a loss to figure out your game. But they will think you have a game, that's for sure. And games are one thing they have no time for.
If you want to mess up an interview, never dress neatly, with or without a tie, because that's really all you have to do.
You're not there to make a social statement or impress anyone with your style. You're there to try to get a job. By putting on a fashion show you're adding another element to your interview, a distraction that could split both your attention and your interviewer's. The interview won't focus completely on advertising and what you can learn about it.
Another good way to give an interview the kiss of death is to get yourself all keyed up your meeting. Tell yourself, "This interview is the most important event of my life. I've just got to get this job. The whole world depends on it. If I don't get this job, my friends will laugh at me andV^ scream, 'Failure! Failure!' Someone will probably burn my house down. My mother will tell her friends, 'Oh, he's not really our child. He's adopted."'
Of course, all this is ridiculous. An interview is never all that important. All it is is a chance for someone to look you over, and for you to look them over. No job is ever that important, either. If you don't get this one, you've just got to tell yourself you'll get the next one.
As far as those other snakes in your head go, your friends will always be pulling for you. Burning down your house is too risky for most people blood. And your mother will always love you.
(But think those bad thoughts anyway. After all, this is a lesson in how to blow an interview, not how to succeed in one.)
After you're so jumpy you can hardly light a match, burst into your interviewer's office. If you get the chance, spill coffee over everything in Strut right up to him. Proudly introduce yourself. Give his hand a firm shake, gripping it tightly enough that begins to turn blue, then plop yourself down in a comfortable chair. Don't wait for him to ask you to be seated. Be forceful, be decisive. Take that seat on your own!
Make sure you tell him in no uncertain terms that you're the best whatever-it-is-you-want-to-be that ever took over his office. He's just damned lucky you condescended to see him. After all, a person of your talents is highly sought after. "I've got a couple of big deals cooking right now. I just can't decide which one to take," is a good line to use. Tell him you'll go to the highest bidder.
Tell him you can do every job in the agency, and probably do them better than the people who work in those positions now. You just can't decide which job would take the greatest advantage of your many talents.
You'll look like a fool, and you'll definitely blow the interview. Whatever you do, never be honest with your interviewer. Never tell him that you realize how little you know about advertising. Never thank him for taking the time to see you and for critiquing your work.
He'll never forget you, no matter how hard he tries.
