Do You Compromise On Values Versus Confidence?

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Summary: You should always remember your long-term goals. If compromises have to make to achieve your goals it is ok. You have to change yourself about something as long as they are the obstacles of your way to success and remain happier. Happier you are more successful you are.

Although you may have exceptions, the decision to compromise on something will only come into question with those statements you labeled as Ds from either Workshop 1 or 3. Remember your Ds were those things you hated and would not accept. At the time you labeled them, that was your first reaction to these statements. But now when you look at them again, they may appear differently to you.

Turn back to your descriptive listings in Workshops 2 and 4. Number 4 in each exercise is the listing of all your Ds. Take each one separately and ask yourself this question: "If I had to accept this condition or situation, or risk losing a job or job offer, would I do it?" Perhaps in light of this thought, some of these may not seem quite as objectionable as before. If this applies to any of your listings, put a check mark next to it.



These check marks will remind you that these are areas open to compromise. For any that you still feel strongly about, try to imagine how it would feel if you did accept it anyway. Does the thought of having to accept it still make you feel totally uncomfortable or even angry? If so, can you get in touch with why? For example, if you had said that sharing a desk with a part-time employee is something that you would not accept, and the thought of it made you upset inside, then you should ask yourself why. Maybe you would say something like this: "I need my privacy, and obviously, this agency doesn't value me enough to give me my own private space." Or, "I don't want to work for an agency that doesn't have enough room for everyone-that indicates poor planning to me." These reasons are valid, and they probably reflect your values concerning your need for privacy, personal space, or your self-esteem. Trust your feelings. If you can validate or justify any situation that you do not want to accept in either a work environment or a job structure, then you should not compromise in this area.

However, if you look at one of your Ds, and instead of feeling justified or angry, it makes you feel queasy, uncertain, or downright scared-it may be that this one is coming from a lack of self-confidence. To find out if this is the case, again ask yourself why that particular thing is bothering you. If your answers sound more like excuses, then this may qualify as a confidence issue, not a value judgment

Examples always help, so here is another one: Suppose you had said that you did not want to accept a job that would require follow-through on small details. When you looked at this a second time, there was that "butterfly" feeling in the pit of your stomach. Okay, lots of folks do not like details. But when you asked yourself why you did not, these were your answers: "I hate fussing over details. They are never that important. I only like the idea stage."

Do these sound like excuses? If so, we can get beneath the surface of your answers and be really honest. In this case, if you were being really honest, you might find yourself saying something like, "Alright, the truth is I always lose track of details. I'm not good at follow-through because I tend to forget things. Look at my desk, it's a mess-I can never find anything. I guess I'm not very well organized." That brings our example down to the bottom line-poor organization. This was the real reason why your reluctance to handle details was causing a feeling of sagging confidence disguised only as a vague sense of discomfort.

If this hypothetical case were real, you would now have to decide the following: "Do I really want to do something about my problem with organization?" If the answer is an overwhelming "no," then leave it alone. Obviously you have decided that this is not open to compromise. It may be that the time just is not right, and you would be forcing yourself to do something that you are not ready for. When the time is right, you will know it. If your answer is "yes," then this issue now becomes a compromisable situation, and you would put a check mark next to this issue.

The only difficult part now might be deciding exactly what remedies to use to correct this new compromisable situation or any other problem that you do want to work on. If you have trouble finding a solution on your own, try talking to a professional career or personal counselor. If you are still in school or a recent graduate, the career placement office will probably have someone in that capacity that can help you. If not, or if you are no longer in school, check the Yellow Pages under career/vocational or therapeutic counseling. The other option could be a good self-help book which may give you the information needed to improve your particular problem areas. A list of recommended books and audio tapes is provided at the end of this book. You can also talk to a trusted teacher or even a friend-someone with more experience in the work world-who can guide you. This can save you a lot of time and frustration when you are casting about for answers and keep coming up empty-handed.

Whatever it is that you finally decide to do, remember that most things about yourself you can change. The key, of course, is wanting to. The more you are able to change those nagging things about yourself that get in the way of your success, the happier you will be as a person. It also follows that the happier you are, the more you will have to offer as a flexible and productive employee. And that is definitely to your benefit as well, because your boss will value your service and be more inclined to contribute to your happiness in the form of raises, promotions, and other added benefits.

Money-how important is it?

Speaking of raises, promotions, and benefits, when it comes to job satisfaction and potential opportunities, just how important is money to you? Most people use money as the deciding factor in accepting a job. They find themselves compromising on work space and job responsibilities while holding firmly to salary and benefit expectations. Is this a wise practice? That all depends on you. If you have a family to feed or a mortgage to pay, then money may indeed be your un-compromisable area. But if you have the luxury of trading up-front financial security or desires for long-term gain, then the trade-offs may be worth it to you.
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